1. |
strong
02:29
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on that night you broke your hand, I drove you to the hospital so you wouldn't have to tell your aunt and your uncle what was wrong. And I'm pretty sure the doctors thought I hit you. And even though it wasn't true I still felt like an asshole. I thought that you were so strong, to go through all of that at seventeen. But, strength isn't what it takes to put your hand through a wall. Strength is what it takes to stay calm. And just cuz we were young doesn't mean everyone else was wrong. Strength is what it takes to stay calm. And when you were nineteen, you told me how you felt and we decided to break up. Then I got drunk as hell. I thought that I was so strong. I didn't cry, not even once. But strength isn't what it takes to do three shots without a chaser. Strength is what it takes to be honest. And just cuz I didn't cry doesn't mean what I did was right. I woke up hung over and still sad.
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2. |
381 (three eighty fun)
03:20
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I was never intentionally mean to anybody just because they were young. My ageism was more subtle and inherent in my assumptions. I would always hang out with people the same age as me and assume that that was for the best. Never realizing what I was missing out on by excluding the rest. I'm glad I met you. I'm glad we moved into that house. I'm glad we stayed close even after I moved out. You taught me how to cook, let me read all your Kurt Vonnegut books, and introduced me to your friends (and now they're my friends). You built me an awesome bike, taught me lots of cool vegan stuff that you like, your hand writing's on my skin! 381, “three eighty fun”, 381 east oakland, “E. stoked-land” I'm glad I met you. I'm glad we moved into that house. I'm glad I met you.
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3. |
fuck axe body spray
02:02
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break all of your televisions, burn all of your magazines, and purge out every image that you've seen. We don't need someone to sell us what our bodies can already tell us and I can't speak for you, but my body's screaming at me. It says “I know what I like! And it's not axe body spray or fucking old spice. I know what I like! And maybe it's maybelline, but maybe it's not. So If hetero-normative marketing makes you uncomfortable, then speak up and join the club. Say “I won't let you dictate the way I act the way I think the way I feel the way I live the way I love.” I just want to hold someone that is strong enough to hold me, I don't want to be the big spoon every night. And I just want to fuck someone that is not afraid to fuck me and won't think that I am fucked up for what I like. I want someone that's gonna stare at my ass as intently as they look into my eyes. I want a partner not a fucking prize.
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4. |
serenity
02:47
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lord give me strength to change what I can and accept all of the things that I can't. I'm not all right with giving up on them so I’ll just call it faith. You'll say everything does happen for a reason I think you give reason to everything that happens. And I will not believe a young man died so I could see how fragile we are. Can you tell me why giving it up to god feels like giving up? Can you tell me why saying three “hail Mary”s never felt like saying enough? So whisper please for peace into your blankets and your sheets while others scream for justice with megaphones in the fucking streets. If you love someone don't pray for god to help them, just get off of your ass and go help them. It can be so hard to have the conversation that says “hey man, I think you've got a problem”. So if there's a god will he please give you strength to change all of the things that you can. And as for me I'll change what I can and never give up on my friends.
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5. |
falling
02:37
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falling asleep at the wheel never felt so good. Falling asleep with you never turned out like I thought it would. You were older, I was younger, in the summer we met. I was too young to ever second guess. I thought you were a little pretentious when you said you didn't like punk rock shows. You seemed a little annoyed with my always wanting you to go. I'll try to write down what you mean to me while wading through my apathy about which words I pick to put on this page. As I try to figure out what I want to talk about, should I tell you I wish you were here? Or how I felt about when you left me last year? I was glad you talked to me in the middle of that mess, when I sat alone on the beach next to three spent cigarettes. I was glad you had the time to put yourself back on my mind. I was glad you had the time.
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6. |
teeth vs tongue
01:12
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this boy is falling in and out of sleep on the couch. I'm jealous of the girl that I watched him kiss on the mouth. I will scream, I will say, I will whisper: “I wish we weren’t such good friends”. My teeth are fighting with my tongue. Smiling at twelve, biting at one, my teeth are fighting with my... This girl could not give two shits less about me. Calculating the odds “what are the chances that this kid's got weed?” and I will wait a bit before I admit that I don't. I'll tell her I think she is pretty. I don't.
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7. |
broken finger
04:16
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there's been days when I wished that I didn't have this broken finger reminding my that your gone. There's been nights when I’ve wished that I didn't have this curious mind screaming in the silence what went wrong? Lately I’ve been hearing all of our old friends talking about you like you are in heaven. And lately I’ve been wishing that I didn't have this skeptics mind that won't let me believe them. But I won't let myself forget the things you taught me, the words you... I have spent far too many hours wondering why I am who I am and how I got here. I know you can't hear me but these are things that need to be said even if they fall on dead ears: I was 14 the first time you told me about anarchy. I was 21 the night you gave up on us. I was 18 the last time I saw you play. Tonight I'm 22, I miss you. Thank you for making me a questioner, thank you for making me such a skeptic, I won't be a sheep. I won't follow their lead. Thanks for not respecting authority, and making me believe there was more to me than just a scrawny kid who was no good at being cool. Thank you for starting up that street punk band and teaching me to break out of the master plan of growing up and giving up and giving into the man.
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8. |
fraction
01:31
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I paid a fraction of what I earned. And they decided that we should kill you, but nobody asked me. No matter what you did, no matter what you might have done I don't want you to die. I paid for a fraction of the poison in your veins.
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9. |
fuck armageddon
02:07
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sing sing sing sing to me in a language that I don't understand. Cuz your words lose meaning the first second that I comprehend the things you're saying, exactly what you're praying for. You're praying for the end of days. And hoping for something better. Preach preach preach preach to me with stories that will scare me senseless. Cuz if I keep my senses your argument ceases to exist. So don't appeal to my logical, reasoning brain. Just appeal to my instinctive avoidance of pain. Make me make me feel ashamed. And I’ll repent for my wicked ways.
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10. |
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another time, another place, another universe, where things aren't the way that they are here. A good friend becomes a lover, you've both got one another but, your mentor died too young. The hardest hearts live in adamantium cages. The hardest hearts will be turned soft. The kindest mind lives under a head of white hair that looks even better with the sides shaved off. The sentinels were built. Human, mutant blood was spilt. This is a war that no one wins. In times so desperate, two good people met. This mushroom cloud has a silver lining. If saving the world means losing what we've got. I'd rather hold you close and watch it burn.” “changing isn't losing we'll still be friends, just loving each other on different terms.” “is that how this ends?! We'll still be friends?! I don't want to go back in time!” “why can't you see, love doesn't always have to be the romantic kind?”
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11. |
Milford, OH 2004
03:38
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12. |
plants into pizza
04:11
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I'm proud of making dinner. I'm proud of hugging you when you're stressed out. Cuz I know it makes it easier to turn these calories into helping people out. I'm grateful you walk the dog most mornings, just to let me sleep in. and sometimes when I say I’m fine you can tell that I’m lying, I’m so grateful that you don't let it slide. So I'll take these plants and turn them into pizza. And I'll make plans to keep doing this. <3
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